Not the sharpest pitchfork in the barn!

I have a friend who was raised on a farm in the deep South.  Her conversation is sprinkled with colorful expressions that I love to hear, and some of the funniest are her euphemisms for saying "He's not too bright."  I thought of her this week!

Late Monday I looked down at the Lower Pasture.  I could see a black bovine in the run-in shed, and since I saw Ebony somewhere else, I knew it had to be Boudin.  The thought fleetingly crossed my mind, "It almost looks like he's IN the hay feeder," but I went into the house and got busy fixing dinner and didn't give it another thought.

Then Tuesday morning as I headed out to the barn to milk, I glanced down at the run-in shed again and thought, "Darn!  I think that Boudin has gone and gotten himself in the hay feeder again!"

The thought bothered me enough that after I got my milk processed and made a couple of important calls, I got in the Doodad and drove down to the Lower Pasture.  As I got closer, it became evident that Boudin was, indeed, IN the hay feeder.  Now I've known the calves to get in it regularly, but Boudin is 20 months old and WAY too big to be in there!

He's obviously way too big to get out, too!  As I walked up to him and got a closer look, it was clear that Boudin had not gotten in the hay feeder again--he'd been in it all along!  By my best calculations, he was in there for probably 18 hours or more.  At this point I was feeling that if Boudin wasn't the sharpest pitchfork in the barn, I was a few crayons short of a box, myself, to have left him that long.

I heaved the hay feeder up in the air so Boudin could get out.  He stuck around while I fed alfalfa cubes to one of the horses and tossed him a few.  (I may be his rescuer, but he still doesn't trust me!)  Then all of a sudden he high-tailed it (you can see how apt that expression is!) out of there, heading for the water tank.

He obviously didn't suffer too many ill effects from his imprisonment if he had enough energy to buck and cavort.  Boy, I bet that felt good!

And boy, I bet that tasted good!

Hopefully Boudin has learned a lesson.  I have certainly learned one:  Next time I think "it almost looks like . . . ," I'm going to check it out right away!

Yep, I just counted, and there are 52 cards in MY deck!

Here, for your enjoyment (because I'm sure you would never want to actually say any of these things about someone) is a list of 200 ways to say "The lights are on, but nobody's home."  Move over, "50 Ways to Leave a Lover!"