"Law & Order: FVU" ( Thursday, Dec. 30, 2010)

Unfortunately--or perhaps fortunately--this post has no accompanying photos.  You'll just have to use your imagination!

Many of you may be familiar with one of our favorite TV shows, "Law & Order: SVU."  If so, you know that "SVU" stands for "Special Victims Unit," meaning sex crimes and crimes against children.  Well, we recently aired the pilot episode for a new show based on our farm, "Law & Order: FVU."  The "FVU" stands for "Farm Victims Unit."  Here is a synopsis of the first show:

The setting:  Our barnyard.  Camera zooms in on Brandy and Angel tied to fence posts while Herb and Susan clean their feet and prepare to saddle them.  A couple yards away, Sara stands mooing loudly with Siobhan at her side.  Outside the gate, Hero and Zephyr sit impatiently, wanting to be inside the barnyard.  As the camera zooms in closer, Susan bends over one of Brandy's hind feet . . .

The perpetrator:  Sara, the cow

The crime:  The attempted rape of Brandy

Eyewitness testimony by Susan:  "I had my head bent over Brandy's hind feet cleaning them when I saw a shadow from the corner of my eye.  I looked up just in time to see Sara run at Brandy, rear up in the air and plant her hooves on Brandy's rump!  Poor Brandy was tied and couldn't go forward or sideways to get away!"

Corroborating eyewitness testimony from Herb:  "Susan yelled at Sara, jumped at her and waved her away, so Sara (hardened criminal that she is!) came after Angel.  I had to yell and jump at her, too!"

Law enforcement involvement:  Decorated hero Detective Elliot Stabler (aka Hero the dog) began leaping up and down trying to get into the barnyard, so Susan let him in.  He ran over and stationed himself between the perpetrator and the victims, preventing Sara from approaching them again--even luring her away at the point of her horns, risking being injured himself.  Having previously been a perpetrator himself with two different chicken victims, he enjoyed his new Hero-status!

Trial and resolution:  That very afternoon Herb put up corral panel partitions with a gate so the horses could be saddled near the tack room, free from future depredations.  Sara was acquitted thanks to defense attorney Susan's plea, "I told you I thought Sara was in season!"